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Submitted by solaraddict on May 27, 2006 - 5:00am.

From: Space Elevator An Impossible Dream?

Re: Never?
by soupdevil (587476) (#15413603)
An infinite universe is no guarantee that everything will happen. There are many infinities. For example, there are an infinite number of numbers between three and four, but none of them are five.

by dfn5 (524972) (#15413740)
Crap. You just made my cat disappear. Thanks alot.

Submitted by slashdoodle on May 26, 2006 - 8:24am.

From: Display System That Knows Who You Are

Bad idea...
by creimer (824291) (#15405455)

I don't think I want a screen that can scream to the rest of the office, "Oh, it's another dirty pervert looking at me again."

by Tackhead (54550) (#15405580)

"It was terribly dangerous to let your thoughts wander when you were telecommuting or within range of a telescreen. The smallest thing could give you away. A nervous tic, an unconscious look of bedroom eyes, a habit of muttering to yourself, anything that carried with it the suggestion of looking at b00bies, or having something to hide from HR. In any case, to sport wood at the office, was itself a punishable offense. There was even a word for it in Cubespeak: pantcrime."

- Little Sister, 1985

Submitted by slashdoodle on May 26, 2006 - 7:56am.

From: Windows Vista - Not So Bad?

Re:Microsoft eating their own dogfood?
by mgv(198488) (#15405747)

Microsoft eating their own dogfood?

Just two things to say about dogfood:

1) Food is what goes into a dog, not what comes out of a dog. (Corollary: That which comes out of a dog isn't food.)
2) It's coming out of the end of the dog into which food doesn't go. (Corollary: Unless you're into that sort of thing, in which case, we don't wanna know.)

If you remain uncertain about point 2, a simple test will suffice.

Put your finger into the dog's mouth. If you cannot feel any teeth, then that isn't the mouth. What you are feeling with your finger probably isn't food, either.

Michael

Submitted by slashdoodle on May 26, 2006 - 7:43am.

From: The Cost of a Tiered Internet

by spun (1352) (#15405348)

Can't we just gut all the AOL users instead? What was that quote, oh yes, here we go (emphasis mine):

There it is again. Some clueless fool talking about the "Information Superhighway". They don't know didley about the Net. It's nothing like a superhighway. That's a rotten metaphor.

Suppose the metaphor ran in the other direction. Suppose the highways were like the net...

A highway hundreds of lanes wide. Most with pitfalls for potholes. Privately operated bridges and overpasses. No highway patrol. A couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken whistles. 500 member vigilante posses with nuclear weapons. A minimum of 237 on ramps at every intersection.

No signs. Wanna get to Ensenada? Holler out the window at a passing truck to ask directions.

Ad hoc traffic laws. Some lanes would vote to make use by a single-occupant-vehicle a capital offense on Monday through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00. Other lanes would just shoot you without a trial for talking on a car phone.

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Submitted by slashdoodle on May 26, 2006 - 5:51am.

From Honda Robot Controlled By Brain Waves

Unfortunately...
by GillBates0 (664202) (#15403715)

...further trials resulted in the robotic hand trying to touch itself every other minute and repeatly making lewd gestures with it's middle finger.

Submitted by slashdoodle on May 25, 2006 - 9:49am.

From iPod Lawsuit Lawyers Sue Their Own Plaintiff?

by Paladin144 (676391) (#15397601)

This poor guy. I hope things turn out okay for him. Conversely, I hope the lawyers are eaten alive by a cauldron full of insane, demonic, snow-weasels. Or another group of lawyers. Whichever is more painful.

by Anonymous Coward (#15397652)

Dear Paladin144, I have recently received notice of your threatening other lawyers. I quote, "I hope the lawyers are eaten alive by a cauldron full of insane, demonic, snow-weasels. Or another group of lawyers. Whichever is more painful.". I warn you, under Section 37B of the attacks and counterattacks act of 1957, it states that "all threats against lawyers is a crime against the state, and..." oh hello, little weasel. You do seem cold today. What's that you want? You want sdffj gdfgjdfg AAAAH my face aaah it's trying to eat my face aaaah actuallythatwasquitenice AAAAAAHHH

by kfg (145172) (#15397801)

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Submitted by slashdoodle on May 25, 2006 - 9:32am.

From Pirates Promise Improved Version of DaVinci Code
by OldManAndTheC++ (723450) (#15399311)

Using (pirated) PC-based video editing software, enterprising movies pirates have issued a new, improved version of the Da Vinci code. A plot summary follows:

Middle-aged Harvard professor Robert Langdon is giving a lecture in Paris when he is confronted by a police detective, who shows him a picture of a man who has been murdered in a gruesome fashion. Langdon, who has been living in an airport terminal, takes off in search of the holy grail, which has been stolen by a young Leo di Caprio. A gratuitous time warp takes him back to WWII to save Matt Damon from being killed by Nazis. Returning to the present, a slingshot around the moon reveals his presence to vengeful mobsters, who are unimpressed by his skill at ping-pong and shrimping. Escaping from them via Fed-Ex cargo plane only leads him to a close encounter with a volcano and a young Meg Ryan, with whom he has a cheesy and banal romance that only a woman could appreciate. With a newfound attitude towards the fairer sex he agrees to coach a group of weepy baseball players, but mysteriously, without even sleeping with any of them, he contracts AIDS and dies. But that doesn't stop our hero. He returns from the dead, bangs a mermaid, and brings joy to millions of kids before returning back to Paris where he started, which makes you wonder why the hell he left in the first place.

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Submitted by veridicus on May 24, 2006 - 4:04pm.

by Myrrh (53301) (#15317349)

I've come up with a way to reduce — perhaps even eliminate — our dependence on foreign oil as an energy source.

As more and more civil liberties are trampled upon, faster and faster will the Founding Fathers spin in their respective graves.

If we attach magnets to each Founding Father, then wrap copper wire around each of them, we should have a potentially unlimited energy source. Well, at least until the Libertarians get elected in significant numbers—so yeah, come to think of it, it truly is unlimited.

The AC frequency, of course, might be unpredictable. In fact, I'd suspect it will be ever-increasing, which could create some technical issues to overcome. But we're smart people, I'm sure we can figure it out.

What do you all say? Shall we write up a grant proposal?

Submitted by veridicus on May 24, 2006 - 4:02pm.

by Anonymous Coward (#15167387)

CmdrTaco: What happen?
CoyboyNeal: Somebody set up us the digg.
CoyboyNeal: We get signal.
Zonk: Somebody set up us the digg.
CmdrTaco: What!
Zonk: Somebody set up us the digg.
CoyboyNeal: index.shtml turn on.
CmdrTaco: It's You!!
Kevin: How are you gentlemen!!
Kevin: All your index.php are belong to us.
Kevin: You are on the way to diggination.
CmdrTaco: What you say!!
Zonk: Somebody set up us the digg.
Kevin: You have no chance to survive emerge your gentoo.
Kevin: Ha Ha Ha Ha ....
CmdrTaco: Take off every "slash."
CmdrTaco: You know what you doing.
CmdrTaco: Move "dot".
CmdrTaco: For great justice.
Zonk: Somebody set up us the digg.

Submitted by bigtomrodney on May 24, 2006 - 3:01am.

This actually happened to me a few weeks ago
(Score:5, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday May 23, @11:42PM (#15391497)

Last week I was sitting around, screwing around on fark.com, when there was a knock at the door. My mom awnsered it, and it was an individual claiming to be from the RIAA, along with two county sheriff's deputies. My mom (stupidly) let them in, and the deputies came into my room and proceeded to throw me to the ground while the RIAA guy started looking around on my computer. I demanded to see a warrant and informed them that they did not have permission to search my belongings, but they said that they didn't need one due to some new state law (I live in Missouri). Anyway, they eventually found my stash of MP3s and my mom got scared and said "you're moving with your auntie and your uncle to Bel-Air" I whistled for a cab and when it came near the licensplate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought now forget it, yo home to Bel-Air! I pulled up to a house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby yo, home smell you later. Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

Submitted by veridicus on May 23, 2006 - 3:23pm.

There's already a free nationwide wireless ISP
by Anonymous Coward (#15388554)

It's apparently called "linksys"

by Mantrid (250133) (#15388618)

Um, the 1990's called, they want their business model back!

Submitted by xandro on May 23, 2006 - 3:11am.

From MacSaber Turns Your Macbook into a Lightsaber

And when you drop it...
by isny (681711) (#15375789)

And when you drop it, it's as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

Submitted by hlovdal on May 21, 2006 - 5:12pm.

I suggest shortening the phrase
(Score:5, Funny) by spun (1352) on 2006-05-16 18:56 (#15343376)
(Last Journal: 2006-05-19 0:08)

I suggest replacing the phrase "increase productivity and effectiveness, lower costs and increase scalability, improve relationships with business partners, and attract new customers." with "blah." This way we can write things like "X will help businesses to blah" knowing "blah" stands for "do anything that business wants done." As an added bonus, we won't have to change "blah" everytime stupid business buzzwords change. "Blah" always means whatever buzzwords are in vogue.
--
- You wanted an argument? I'm sorry, this is abuse. You want room 12A just along the corridor. Stupid git.

Submitted by slashdoodle on May 17, 2006 - 4:25am.

From Trojan Deletes Your Porn, Music & Warez

by budword (680846) (#15342696)

There is no way Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell would ever risk their own secret porn stash. The parent is clearly a troll.

by Anonymous Coward (#15342772)

A mod point! A mod point! My kingdom for a mod point!

Re:Add option #5
by Eradicator2k3 (670371) (#15343707)

Pr0n is the 5ux0rs! We need 1337 h@x0r5 to pwn their warez, w00t, w00t!"

You spelled "teh" and "there" wrong. Or did you mean "they're"?

by Foobar of Borg (690622) (#15343807)

You are right (*sniff*). I'm afraid I'm only 1336 (*sniff*)...

Submitted by mkelly on May 14, 2006 - 4:24pm.

Regarding copyright laws in Australia and the US:

Re:America is still worse, right?
(Score:5, Funny) by grammar fascist (239789) on Sunday May 14, @02:31 (#15328764)

No, I'm more questioning whether America is currently better, but headed rapidly in the wrong direction, while Australia is currently worse, but at least headed in the right direction. More of a cautionary statement than a value judgement per se.

In other, geekier words, he's asking about the first derivative value rather than the function value: f'(t) rather than f(t).

Personally, I'm more concerned with f''(t). I have a friend that wants to know f'''(t). If we put them all together we'd have a 3rd-order Taylor series expansion, with which we might approximate America's goodness with regards to copyright law at f(t+10) with reasonable accuracy. Wicked.

I'm sure you'd be satisfied with a first-order approximation, though. That'll do in the short run.

Yes, I'm a grad student. It's just sick what it's done to my mind, isn't it?

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